“A child
born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the
depth of that privilege are not lost on me.”
~ Jody
Landers
To Tai William CheolHo's birth mother, on his fourth birthday...
Today is
CheolHo’s fourth birthday, something I am sure has not escaped your mind as you
go about your day. I don’t know his birth story other than the facts in his paperwork,
but I know that this day four years ago changed your life and ours forever. I
don’t know what the weather was like on that day, but I am certain that you
remember. I checked today, and it shows that the temperature is currently 13
degrees Fahrenheit at the Incheon airport. I know that there is snow on the
ground because a friend of mine posted a photo from Seoul yesterday. Was it snowing on the
day of our precious CheolHo’s birth? Did you gingerly navigate your way through
the slushy, slippery streets of the city in the days before his birth?
How long did
you labor to bring his tiny, perfect soul into this world that December
afternoon? You see, I have given birth, as well. Twice. And I know that no two
birth stories are the same. I think of the sharp, agonizing pains of childbirth
and can feel only an enormous rush of gratitude toward you. I think of those final
days and weeks of pregnancy, when sleep eludes and everything aches with the
strain of growing life. There are not enough ways to say “Thank You” for
choosing to give life to this amazing little boy. You made the hardest, bravest
choice that any mother could make. Though you may not have held him in your
arms for as many days as you would have liked, you rocked him to sleep with the
sway of your hips for months. He slumbered in your womb as he listened to the
lullaby of your heartbeat. I know from Tai CheolHo’s paperwork that you loved
him well for the time he was yours. Kamsamnida. Thank you...
First Day of Preschool, 2017
Your bravery
showed up in our CheolHo as he made his way to his first day of preschool
almost one year ago today. His lip quivered, but he bravely stepped into the
classroom. Now, he runs into his classroom and yells “Bye, Appa!” (his Appa
usually takes him to school). When I return a few hours later, he drops
whatever he is doing and sprints into my arms, covering me with hugs and
kisses. He is very affectionate, and loves to snuggle and cuddle.
This is the
first full calendar year that he has spent with us at home. His zest for life
is contagious, and he is always willing to try new things. In March, we took
the family snow skiing in New Mexico. CheolHo loved it! He wore a harness with
straps so that Matt could guide him a bit to ensure that he didn’t ski into anything
dangerous. We lured him down the mountains with promises of lollipops each time
he made it to the next stop. He would declare as he slowed to a stop. "Lollipop time!" He is not easily frustrated, and jumped up ready
to attack another slope, even after falling. I bought him a shirt in Colorado
this summer that reads, “Rough winds grow tough trees.” He is as tough as he is kind.
Lollipop Time!
In Colorado,
he hiked up mountains while riding on his Appa’s back, never complaining (and
sometimes sleeping). He talked to the mountain goats and shrieked with laughter
when they approached him. I thought of his birth father as we wandered those
mountains, knowing that he, too, loves to hike. Does our sweet boy get his love
of the outdoors from him? Or from you? Or maybe it is both.
Admiring the Mountain Goat
Later in the
summer, Tai CheolHo traveled to California, where he saw pandas for the first
time at the San Diego Zoo and took in the glittery sights of Hollywood
Boulevard. His big sister is a dancer, and was competing in Hollywood. He is
her biggest fan. He swam in the Pacific, that same ocean that laps the shores
of Korea on the other side of the world, and met Mickey Mouse (he preferred Pluto, though).
Listening to the sea lions in La Jolla Cove, CA
Disneyland
We spent
many days swimming in the lake near our home. CheolHo LOVES the water. He would
swim all day if allowed to do so. He continues to improve in his swimming, and
I expect he will be swimming laps by next summer. He tells his Appa to “go fast”
when he drives the boat around the lake.
We traveled
to Florida for Matt’s job this fall. Tai and his big brother played soccer in the
sand, built sand castles, and slid down an inflatable water slide all week. We
hope someday to show him the beaches of Busan or Jeju Island. We are trying to
keep him connected to his Korean culture and heritage as much as possible, and
plan to make return trips to Korea every few years. We are excited to watch the
Winter Olympics in PyeongChang. We want the land of his birth to feel like a
second home, rather than a foreign country. We fell madly in love with Korea,
the culture, and its people during our 20+ days there last year, and are
anxious to return.
St. Pete Beach, FL
Tai CheolHo attends
a play group with other adoptees, most of them Korean. We know that he will
have many emotions to process in the coming years, and I am comforted by the
fact that he will have others like him with shared experiences with whom he can
both confide in and learn from. We are thinking about starting him in taekwondo lessons sometime soon. We have found a center where the instructors are Korean, and we are hopeful that they can provide positive male role models who mirror his dark chocolate eyes and silky black hair, as well as teach discipline and pride in his birth country.
Celebrating the Lunar New Year
At home, we
often visit the nearby aquarium. He has a love/hate relationship with the bull sharks
there, but loves to touch the sting rays, shrimp, crabs, small sharks, and sea
stars. He is inquisitive and incredibly bright. I know that you and his birth
father took special care when choosing his name, CheolHo, meaning “bright and
leading.” He is both of those traits and so much more. A couple from India
commented to me on a flight from Florida, “He needs to run for office! He is
just the best!” When I remarked that sometimes we joke that he is running for
mayor, the couple immediately responded, “Oh no. Don’t stop there! He needs to
go all the way to the top!” I have wondered if that is your friendly, outgoing
personality I see coming out in him? That smile that lights up the room… is it
you I am seeing?
We gave CheolHo a bike for his birthday. We surprised him with it yesterday because the
weather was too nice to pass up the opportunity, and his Appa was too
anxious to wait. It has pedals and handbrakes, but no training wheels. It took
him about 5-10 minutes to figure it out, but when he did… watch out world! He
loves to ride bikes, as well as to ride in the bike trailer behind his Appa. He
is persistent, fierce, and fearless, with a huge helping of empathetic and
thoughtful.
Tai CheolHo
still loves all of the Tayo buses from Korea, but has grown to love a cartoon
character named Daniel Tiger from the show entitled “Daniel Tiger’s
Neighborhood.” He dressed up as Daniel for Halloween and even had a
Daniel-themed birthday party this past weekend. He received toys from the “Cars”
movies that crash into each other, as well as a trolley just like Daniel Tiger
rides on in his neighborhood. He immediately took his digger outside to his
digging spot in our yard. While he loves to dig in the dirt and crash cars, he
also has a very tender side. He fell for an Elsa doll (from “Frozen”) at the
store last week. He told me, “Omma, wook at her! She’s just so cute! I wike her
pwetty hair! I’m getting Elsa for my birfday.” So of course, I had to make sure
that Elsa was wrapped and ready for his big day. He hugged her close and introduced her to all of his other cars and trucks.
Our own little Daniel Tiger on Halloween
We are
preparing our hearts and our home to celebrate Christmas in a couple of weeks.
I can’t help but think of Mary and what she endured to bring baby Jesus
into the world. I think about how she must have felt upon learning of her
unplanned pregnancy. On December 25, we celebrate that baby whose birth changed...everything. Who gave hope and shined a light in the darkness. I think often of
how you must have felt upon learning about your unexpected pregnancy, and how
your sacrifice and love for CheolHo changed everything. The birth of that baby
changed OUR everything in the very best way. We pray for you and CheolHo’s birth
father often. We pray that you are healthy, happy, and living a full life. We
pray that you know how incredibly grateful we are for the privilege to parent
this phenomenal little boy, and that he is incredibly loved and adored by a whole army of family and friends.
With all of our love,
Carrie
Elsa, meet Daniel
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