Four Years Later…

 Anna,

I have watched you learn many lessons over the past four years, and most of them did not happen in a classroom. You have enjoyed the thrill of victory and endured the agony of heartbreak. You have learned when to walk away, and when to stand your ground. You have learned that life is not fair, but God is just. As one of your teachers said, you exude a “quiet confidence” that will serve you well. You don’t beg for attention. You let your actions speak for themselves. You love with passion and grace. You are poised and walk with the knowledge that God created you with purpose. 

You learned that doing the right thing is always the right thing to do. You weathered bullying and threats at the beginning of the year only to rise far above it all and BLOOM in the sunshine just the way God designed. God was stretching you higher and farther because He knew that you are the kind of girl who, when she blooms, goes big. 

You have been a positive role model to so many younger girls. I have had numerous mothers tell me how much you have inspired and impacted their daughters. You stepped out of your comfort zone to be an ambassador for Love One International when you realized that God was calling you to use your voice to help those precious babies in Uganda. 

You have been humbled. You know your limitations and your shortcomings, and you strive to better yourself. You take an active role in committing to the habits that make you better for yourself and those around you. You have learned to prioritize your mental health and your relationships, and your future spouse and children will thank you for it.

You have learned not to shrink from God’s call on your life, but to embrace it. You have learned the value of true friendship. You are a walking green flag of a friend, and anyone who has been loved by you has been loved well. You are faithful and loyal, sometimes to a fault (you’ve learned this, too). 

Regarding boys, well...you’ve learned to stick to your non-negotiables while leaving room in your heart for the unexpected. God is preparing you for what and who he is preparing for you, and you now rest peacefully in that knowledge. 

Most of all, you have learned who and whose you are. You are the daughter of the king, and walk in grace and truth because of it. You have nothing to prove. Your kindness and gentleness speak for themselves. Your smile lights up a room, and a dance party with you is always a good time. Stay wild. Stay adventurous. Stay curious. Keep rolling in your 4runner with all the windows down and country music blasting. Embrace those Blake Lively comparisons, and tell them to send Ryan Reynolds your way. Wait with eager anticipation for what God has next. We are so incredibly proud of the young woman you are today. The best is yet to come…

Love, 

Mom

To Anna, On Your Fifteenth Birthday

Click…click…click. Can you hear it? As new parents, we’re told to hold on tight. We’re told that this roller coaster of raising children from babies to 18 is going to fly by. In the moment, we can only focus on getting a diaper changed while guzzling coffee or staying up late as a child finishes yet another school project that involves poster board and scissors and glue and… gasp! Glitter. We can’t focus too far ahead. Instead we focus on the next curve, the next drop, the next uphill climb of this coaster. But then suddenly, there it is. The click…click…click of the coaster as it makes its way to the tippy top. The final climb before that last, dizzying spin that ends in an abrupt stop, slamming body and brain against the seatback. We often say after riding these coasters, “Wow! It’s already over? That was crazy!” Or maybe, “We survived!”

Here we are. High school. We have been coasting along for about 15 years, but we just reached the top. The clicks have stopped. It’s time for the wildest, fastest part of this ride. My sweet Anna, I don’t want to miss any of the next four years, and I don’t want you to miss it either. It’s been awhile since I put together a list of words of wisdom for you. You can review them here, if needed. J  The last time, you were ten years old. Today is your fifteenth birthday, and in honor of yet another five years passing, I figure it is time to update the list. I couldn't limit myself to 15 since time is moving at warp speed, so I decided to double up. As promised in the first list… more about boys, but also more about life.

1.     Find joy and meaning and purpose in every season of life...including this one. 

2.     But don’t peak now. If you live to 80 years old, high school accounts for only 5% of your life. You will have approximately 78% of your life LEFT to LIVE. I have no doubt that when you graduate in four years, there will be a number of achievements and accolades listed next to your name. Savor every moment, but know that some of your best moments, memories, and achievements are yet to come... and probably won’t ever be listed next to your name.

3.     Don’t communicate solely via social media or text. True, lasting relationships can only be formed through meaningful conversations, preferably in person. 

4.     Be very, very careful about what you put in writing or photograph, especially if you send it to someone or post it on social media. That stuff never dies.

5.     Don’t believe everything you see or read on social media. About others AND about yourself. Anyone can put a Bible verse in their bio. Get to know the person behind the image. Lots of smiling Instagram photos mask a hurting young person or adult longing for attention and real connection. The picture never tells the whole story, and integrity can’t be gauged by the number of likes. I love that you occasionally delete your social media accounts to refocus on what really matters. Keep doing it.

6.     You may be embarrassed by some of the things you say and do in the coming years. Try to THINK before you speak or act in order to keep these to a minimum.

T - is it True?

H - is it Helpful?

I - is it Inspiring?

N - is it Necessary?

K - is it Kind?

7.     Apologize. Learn the art of a good apology: I’m sorry. It’s my fault. What can I do to make it right?

8.     Find a mentor, be a mentor, and always lead with kindness, grace, and integrity.

9.     Popularity is relative and fleeting. Treat it as such. Live for an audience of One. The One who saw that the world needed an Anna, and breathed life into you.

10.  Choose social justice over social standing. At times, you will find yourself in a position where the easy road means staying silent. Don’t. Use whatever social standing you have achieved for the good of others. Be known for what and who you stand FOR. You have been ridiculed in the past for defending some of your peers deemed unworthy of your attention and inclusion. It will happen again. Keep doing it. 

One of my proudest moments as a mom was when you broke down in tears before a class field trip in fourth grade. As you chose friends to be in our group, you chose “that” girl. The one who talked incessantly, was honestly pretty annoying, and didn’t seem to have many friends. Some of the girls did not want her in our group. They took it out on you in vicious ways. As you teared up before me, you sobbed, “But Mom, I just knew that if I didn’t pick her, nobody else was going to do it.” We later found out that she was a foster child. That little girl had endured enough rejection to last a lifetime. 

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”

~ Proverbs 31:8

11.  Never compromise your morals or principles to fit in with the crowd. You were made to stand out. Sometimes even your closest friends may not stand with you. If you are known as the weird Jesus girl who doesn’t do all of “that stuff,” so be it. Once people learn where you stand, they usually stop asking you to join them for the other stuff.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

~ Matthew 5:16

12.  “Regardless of how anyone treats you, you stand to benefit. While some people teach you who you do want to be, others teach you who you don’t want to be. And it’s the people who teach you who you don’t want to be that provide some of the most lasting and memorable lessons on social graces, human dignity, and the importance of acting with integrity.” ~ Kari Kampakis

13.  Pray for your future husband. Maybe you’ve known him since elementary school, maybe you just met him, or maybe you won’t meet him for another ten or fifteen years. He’s out there, and he needs your prayers. Pray that God is grabbing hold of that boy and wrecking him for the things of Jesus, grounding him in his faith, and protecting his heart. Know that somewhere out there is a boy and his family who are praying for you...they just don’t know it yet.

14.  Good relationships take work. As you grow to know someone on a deeper level, you will see your significant other’s faults, and they will easily identify yours. We are all imperfect and have bad days. True love means loving someone in spite of their imperfections. In the words of Ruth Bell Graham, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”

15.  Some imperfections are relationship dealbreakers. Know the difference.

16.  That said, boys are slower to mature than girls. Much, much slower. But they get there eventually. Mostly. Right now, they may want to pursue you, but don’t really know how. They get better at this. Show a little grace and appreciate the effort. They are just as nervous and unsure about all of this as you. 

17.  If he doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t deserve you. Keep your standards high. The right boys will rise to them. You’ll be amazed by what a boy will do to win you over when he realizes your worth.

18.  No task is beneath you, no person less than or greater than you, and no dream too big for you.

19.  Laugh until you cry every chance you get.

20.  If possible, don’t burn bridges, but know that toxic relationships must be ended. 

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

 ~ Romans 12:18

21.  Trust your gut. Your inner compass. The Holy Spirit guiding you or sending “Danger ahead!” signals. It’s usually right.

22.  When that alarm bell sounds, you can always call or text us. Any time. Any hour. From anywhere. We will drive anywhere at any time to keep you safe. Use the “code phrase” if necessary. Again. I promise I’ll remember it this time. 

23.  Keep traveling. You have now touched down in 13 countries on four different continents. I know you want to visit at least one of the children we sponsor through Compassion International. I know that Malaika would love to meet that girl who writes her letters. We will make sure that happens. See the image of God in every face you meet, no matter how different their life or beliefs might be from those you hold sacred.

24.  Your empathy and compassion for others are two of your greatest gifts from God. I used to be a little concerned when, as a little girl, you didn’t want to watch the princess movies because they were too scary and you felt ALL of the main characters’ feelings. A counselor assured me, “What your daughter has is a gift. The gift of extreme empathy. It is actually pretty rare, and you have nothing to fear. Some children are not only academically gifted, but also emotionally gifted. Those who can feel the pain of others often do great things.” Guard your heart, but don’t be afraid to feel all of the feelings. Loving big is fearless and brave.

25.  Read, study, and memorize scripture. You will never have as much time as you do right now to dig into God’s word and tuck it deep in your heart. Let those roots take hold. When the storms come (and they will), you will find that God’s truths will steady you. The verses I memorized as a young girl are the ones that immediately come to mind in times of trial.

26.  The words you speak can bring life or death. Speak life. Always. If you think something positive about someone, say it.

27.  One poor decision can change the course of your life. So can one huge leap of faith.

28.  God isn’t going to let your minor setbacks interfere with His plan for your life. In fact, He might just use them to build your character and bring His plan to light. A disappointing test grade won’t matter in five years, and probably not in five days. Try to keep an eternal perspective when life doesn’t turn out exactly how you planned. 

29.  You have always been very selective when it comes to who you allow into your inner circle, but I have to say it: Choose quality over quantity...in friends, in boys, in perfume, in running shoes. Five crisp one hundred dollars bills are worth far more than one hundred pennies in your pocket. And they won’t drag you down.

30.  Run hard toward Jesus and toward those He has called you to love. At some point, while you are running your race, you may notice a young man running alongside you in the same direction. You might recognize him. You might not. Rest assured that God’s timing is always perfect, and that He is always, always working to bring His plan to fruition. God has placed you in this place, at this moment in time, to do great things and point others toward Him. Run your race, girl. You were born to run.

“Perhaps you were born for such a time as this.”

~ Esther 4:14

We love you to the moon, Anna Grace! You inspire me daily with your love of God, others, adventure, and life!

To My Son's Birth Mother... On His Fourth Birthday

“A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.”

~ Jody Landers

To Tai William CheolHo's birth mother, on his fourth birthday...

Today is CheolHo’s fourth birthday, something I am sure has not escaped your mind as you go about your day. I don’t know his birth story other than the facts in his paperwork, but I know that this day four years ago changed your life and ours forever. I don’t know what the weather was like on that day, but I am certain that you remember. I checked today, and it shows that the temperature is currently 13 degrees Fahrenheit at the Incheon airport. I know that there is snow on the ground because a friend of mine posted a photo from Seoul yesterday. Was it snowing on the day of our precious CheolHo’s birth? Did you gingerly navigate your way through the slushy, slippery streets of the city in the days before his birth?

How long did you labor to bring his tiny, perfect soul into this world that December afternoon? You see, I have given birth, as well. Twice. And I know that no two birth stories are the same. I think of the sharp, agonizing pains of childbirth and can feel only an enormous rush of gratitude toward you. I think of those final days and weeks of pregnancy, when sleep eludes and everything aches with the strain of growing life. There are not enough ways to say “Thank You” for choosing to give life to this amazing little boy. You made the hardest, bravest choice that any mother could make. Though you may not have held him in your arms for as many days as you would have liked, you rocked him to sleep with the sway of your hips for months. He slumbered in your womb as he listened to the lullaby of your heartbeat. I know from Tai CheolHo’s paperwork that you loved him well for the time he was yours. Kamsamnida. Thank you...

First Day of Preschool, 2017

Your bravery showed up in our CheolHo as he made his way to his first day of preschool almost one year ago today. His lip quivered, but he bravely stepped into the classroom. Now, he runs into his classroom and yells “Bye, Appa!” (his Appa usually takes him to school). When I return a few hours later, he drops whatever he is doing and sprints into my arms, covering me with hugs and kisses. He is very affectionate, and loves to snuggle and cuddle.

This is the first full calendar year that he has spent with us at home. His zest for life is contagious, and he is always willing to try new things. In March, we took the family snow skiing in New Mexico. CheolHo loved it! He wore a harness with straps so that Matt could guide him a bit to ensure that he didn’t ski into anything dangerous. We lured him down the mountains with promises of lollipops each time he made it to the next stop. He would declare as he slowed to a stop. "Lollipop time!" He is not easily frustrated, and jumped up ready to attack another slope, even after falling. I bought him a shirt in Colorado this summer that reads, “Rough winds grow tough trees.”  He is as tough as he is kind.

Lollipop Time!

In Colorado, he hiked up mountains while riding on his Appa’s back, never complaining (and sometimes sleeping). He talked to the mountain goats and shrieked with laughter when they approached him. I thought of his birth father as we wandered those mountains, knowing that he, too, loves to hike. Does our sweet boy get his love of the outdoors from him? Or from you? Or maybe it is both.

 Admiring the Mountain Goat

Later in the summer, Tai CheolHo traveled to California, where he saw pandas for the first time at the San Diego Zoo and took in the glittery sights of Hollywood Boulevard. His big sister is a dancer, and was competing in Hollywood. He is her biggest fan. He swam in the Pacific, that same ocean that laps the shores of Korea on the other side of the world, and met Mickey Mouse (he preferred Pluto, though).

 Listening to the sea lions in La Jolla Cove, CA

Disneyland

We spent many days swimming in the lake near our home. CheolHo LOVES the water. He would swim all day if allowed to do so. He continues to improve in his swimming, and I expect he will be swimming laps by next summer. He tells his Appa to “go fast” when he drives the boat around the lake.

We traveled to Florida for Matt’s job this fall. Tai and his big brother played soccer in the sand, built sand castles, and slid down an inflatable water slide all week. We hope someday to show him the beaches of Busan or Jeju Island. We are trying to keep him connected to his Korean culture and heritage as much as possible, and plan to make return trips to Korea every few years. We are excited to watch the Winter Olympics in PyeongChang. We want the land of his birth to feel like a second home, rather than a foreign country. We fell madly in love with Korea, the culture, and its people during our 20+ days there last year, and are anxious to return.

St. Pete Beach, FL

Tai CheolHo attends a play group with other adoptees, most of them Korean. We know that he will have many emotions to process in the coming years, and I am comforted by the fact that he will have others like him with shared experiences with whom he can both confide in and learn from. We are thinking about starting him in taekwondo lessons sometime soon. We have found a center where the instructors are Korean, and we are hopeful that they can provide positive male role models who mirror his dark chocolate eyes and silky black hair, as well as teach discipline and pride in his birth country.

 Celebrating the Lunar New Year

  

At home, we often visit the nearby aquarium. He has a love/hate relationship with the bull sharks there, but loves to touch the sting rays, shrimp, crabs, small sharks, and sea stars. He is inquisitive and incredibly bright. I know that you and his birth father took special care when choosing his name, CheolHo, meaning “bright and leading.” He is both of those traits and so much more. A couple from India commented to me on a flight from Florida, “He needs to run for office! He is just the best!” When I remarked that sometimes we joke that he is running for mayor, the couple immediately responded, “Oh no. Don’t stop there! He needs to go all the way to the top!” I have wondered if that is your friendly, outgoing personality I see coming out in him? That smile that lights up the room… is it you I am seeing?

We gave CheolHo a bike for his birthday. We surprised him with it yesterday because the weather was too nice to pass up the opportunity, and his Appa was too anxious to wait. It has pedals and handbrakes, but no training wheels. It took him about 5-10 minutes to figure it out, but when he did… watch out world! He loves to ride bikes, as well as to ride in the bike trailer behind his Appa. He is persistent, fierce, and fearless, with a huge helping of empathetic and thoughtful.

Tai CheolHo still loves all of the Tayo buses from Korea, but has grown to love a cartoon character named Daniel Tiger from the show entitled “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.” He dressed up as Daniel for Halloween and even had a Daniel-themed birthday party this past weekend. He received toys from the “Cars” movies that crash into each other, as well as a trolley just like Daniel Tiger rides on in his neighborhood. He immediately took his digger outside to his digging spot in our yard. While he loves to dig in the dirt and crash cars, he also has a very tender side. He fell for an Elsa doll (from “Frozen”) at the store last week. He told me, “Omma, wook at her! She’s just so cute! I wike her pwetty hair! I’m getting Elsa for my birfday.” So of course, I had to make sure that Elsa was wrapped and ready for his big day. He hugged her close and introduced her to all of his other cars and trucks.

Our own little Daniel Tiger on Halloween

We are preparing our hearts and our home to celebrate Christmas in a couple of weeks. I can’t help but think of Mary and what she endured to bring baby Jesus into the world. I think about how she must have felt upon learning of her unplanned pregnancy. On December 25, we celebrate that baby whose birth changed...everything. Who gave hope and shined a light in the darkness. I think often of how you must have felt upon learning about your unexpected pregnancy, and how your sacrifice and love for CheolHo changed everything. The birth of that baby changed OUR everything in the very best way. We pray for you and CheolHo’s birth father often. We pray that you are healthy, happy, and living a full life. We pray that you know how incredibly grateful we are for the privilege to parent this phenomenal little boy, and that he is incredibly loved and adored by a whole army of family and friends.

With all of our love,

Carrie

Elsa, meet Daniel