So...this is happening. We have some big news that several of you already know. After much prayer and the beginnings of a lot of paperwork, we are finally ready to make it public. The Bowler family is adding at least one more cherry to the bowl(ers). We are officially in the trenches of the adoption process. Our initial application has been approved, and we are moving into the home study portion of the process. For many of you, this is no surprise. You have heard me talk about the possibility of adoption in the past. Upon sharing what I believed to be Earth-shattering news with you, several of you said, "Great! I wondered when you guys were going to do that!" So although it is very BIG news, it is not entirely surprising news. I will attempt to answer a few of the questions I have encountered most often through sharing our news.
1. Why now? Why not.
Adoption has been on our hearts for some time. The first time I mentioned adoption to Matt, I distinctly remember that Grant was still a baby. While he would nap, I would browse the internet to learn about international and local adoption. At the time, we were overwhelmed with a three year-old and a colicky baby. It wasn't the right time, but God was planting a seed. Over the years, God continued to show us His heart for orphans. I lost sleep over the fact that there are over 140 million orphans in the world. We could easily have had another biological child, but I knew when Grant was born that he would be the last to grow in my belly. I knew that if we were to have more children, it would be through adoption. Our next child would grow in our hearts.
Fast forward six or seven years, and here we are. Several weeks ago at church, a family was featured who had adopted a beautiful little boy from Sierra Leone. They showed a photo of him with his bright white smile surrounded by his smooth, dark skin. He showed his palms to the photographer. On them were written Psalm 68:6, "God sets the lonely in families." I lost it. The tears flowed freely, and we knew it was time.
2. From where will this little one arrive? Excellent question.
Over the past weeks Matt and I have spoken to several adoption agencies. We have quizzed every adoptive parent friend. My brain is an encyclopedia of information about the political and social climates of various countries around the world. Ethiopian adoptions are moving much slower than before...South Korea is moving faster. Ukraine is still allowing adoption applications, but the relationship with the U.S. is tenuous at best. Russian adoptions are completely halted because Putin doesn't want Americans adopting Russian children. The wait for a relatively healthy child from Honduras that is of an age that maintains the birth order in our home is about four years. Only children ages ten and up are available for adoption from Colombia. Oklahoma DHS is an option, but there are an entirely different set of challenges should we choose that route. Currently, Haiti appears to be a good "fit" for our family, but EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE WITH A MOMENT'S NOTICE. At our current ages, income level, and number of years married, we qualify for every single program. Overwhelming? Yes. For those who know us, I know what you are thinking...
3. What about our beloved Guatemala? Without hesitation, we would adopt from Guatemala if that were an option.
Matt made his first mission trip to Guatemala shortly after the 36 year Civil War ended there in 1996. He lived and worked in Guatemala with HELPS International in 1999 as a field manager for medical and construction mission teams. He even received a certificate from President Arzu thanking him for his service to the country. We made our first trip there as a couple four months after we were married in 2000. We shared the "land of eternal spring" with our children for the first time in 2012. We love the country, the people, the culture, BUT...
Unfortunately, in January of 2008 the "Ortega Law" went into effect. Guatemala passed the law at the insistence of the U.S. State Department to comply with the United Nations' Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. After the passage of the law, all intercountry adoptions were shut down, including those that were already in progress. This was done as a result of unethical adoption practices such as the alleged kidnapping and selling of babies (and even the murder of their mothers). Without a doubt, this HAD to be stopped. Six years and a lot of shady government "work" later, the country is still closed to intercountry adoption. I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal that chronicles the orphan epidemic that is now occurring there. As I told Matt, it makes me sick to my stomach to read about the children piling up in the orphanages.
Though we can not currently adopt from Guatemala, we will continue to support those organizations with "feet on the ground" there. We continue to write to and support our Compassion children and their families. My favorite source of jewelry and accessories these days is Noonday Collection. Noonday pays artisans around the world (including Guatemala, where my favorite bag was crafted) a living wage, allowing them to support their families. In San Felipe, Guatemala, The God's Child Project and Casa Jackson provide incentives for parents to send their children to school. They also provide parent education. They teach parents how to nourish their babies and use their land to provide for their families. We experienced the joy of serving at both The God's Child Project and Casa Jackson on our most recent trip to Guatemala. We strongly believe that a huge part of orphan care is the practice of orphan prevention. These organizations are in the business of enabling families to care for themselves and their children.
Caring for the malnourished babies and children at Casa Jackson
4. Don't you have to choose a country? Not yet.
After speaking with many adoption agencies, we chose Dillon International. They are based out of Tulsa, which is quite appealing to us. They also provide a valuable support system when Baby Bowler comes home. They regularly hold heritage events during which children adopted from the same country come together to celebrate their heritage. They also provide support groups for the adopted child as they grow older. The MOST attractive aspect of Dillon is that they recently started a program entitled "Open Options." This program allows families to go through the initial application and home study without choosing a country. The goal of Open Options is to help more children find families who are farther along in the adoption process. We were approved for all of the programs served by Dillon (China, Colombia, Haiti, Hong Kong, India, Korea, and Okahoma DHS). Not being committed to a country allows us to be open to whatever (and whomever) God might have waiting for us.
5. Boy? Girl? Age? The answer is yes.
Clear as mud, right? We are open to a boy or a girl and yes (gasp!)...even siblings. We would like to bring our Baby Bowler home as young as possible, but these days in the world of international adoptions, the "babies" brought home are usually toddlers or older. We have requested a kiddo between the ages of zero and five. In the end, we are trusting that God will show us which little sweetie belongs in our family. Should Oklahoma DHS bring us our little one, he or she might be younger.
5. Now what? We begin the home study process.
We have filled out the initial paperwork, including the "Checklist of Special Care Conditions," a list of 145 conditions, syndromes, potential family history issues, etc. It includes everything from birthmarks and asthma to missing limbs and cancer. You are instructed to check YES, NO, or MAYBE regarding whether or not you would be willing to adopt a child with each condition. It is a horrible little checklist because it feels that with every "NO" box we check, we are rejecting a child. How can I say no to hip dysplasia when our Anna was born with this condition? What about heart defects? An echogenic intracardiac focus was detected on Anna when I was 20 weeks pregnant. An EIF is a calcium deposit often associated with various chromosomal disorders, including Down syndrome. It was quite visible on the ultrasound, and scary until it miraculously resolved itself four weeks, a lot of prayer, and a handful or perinatologist visits later. When I voiced my concern about the checklist, I was cautioned by agencies to not be too hard on ourselves. They told me, "Remember, your NO will be someone else's YES." My friend Emily wrote a beautiful piece about this checklist on her blog. Check it out here.
Baby Anna in her harness to correct hip dysplasia
Who could say "no" to this cuteness?
The home study will be a lengthy process. LOTS of paperwork, home visits, etc. Every aspect of our lives will be examined under a microscope. We have prepared our kiddos for a long ride. We know that there will be tears shed along the way...and frustrations...and setbacks...and a whole lot of waiting. However, we know that God would not put adoption in our hearts if He didn't intend to walk with us every step of the way. After all, He is the creator of adoption. It is He who first adopted us into His family as His children through Jesus Christ, giving us the full rights and privileges of a son or daughter.
Please join us in prayer as we work to bring the newest member of the Bowler family home!
"See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!"
1 John 3:1
