Adding Another Cherry to the Bowl(ers)

So...this is happening. We have some big news that several of you already know. After much prayer and the beginnings of a lot of paperwork, we are finally ready to make it public. The Bowler family is adding at least one more cherry to the bowl(ers). We are officially in the trenches of the adoption process. Our initial application has been approved, and we are moving into the home study portion of the process. For many of you, this is no surprise.  You have heard me talk about the possibility of adoption in the past. Upon sharing what I believed to be Earth-shattering news with you, several of you said, "Great! I wondered when you guys were going to do that!" So although it is very BIG news, it is not entirely surprising news. I will attempt to answer a few of the questions I have encountered most often through sharing our news.

1. Why now? Why not.

Adoption has been on our hearts for some time.  The first time I mentioned adoption to Matt, I distinctly remember that Grant was still a baby.  While he would nap, I would browse the internet to learn about international and local adoption. At the time, we were overwhelmed with a three year-old and a colicky baby. It wasn't the right time, but God was planting a seed. Over the years, God continued to show us His heart for orphans. I lost sleep over the fact that there are over 140 million orphans in the world. We could easily have had another biological child, but I knew when Grant was born that he would be the last to grow in my belly. I knew that if we were to have more children, it would be through adoption. Our next child would grow in our hearts.

Fast forward six or seven years, and here we are. Several weeks ago at church, a family was featured who had adopted a beautiful little boy from Sierra Leone. They showed a photo of him with his bright white smile surrounded by his smooth, dark skin. He showed his palms to the photographer. On them were written Psalm 68:6, "God sets the lonely in families." I lost it. The tears flowed freely, and we knew it was time.

2. From where will this little one arrive? Excellent question.

Over the past weeks Matt and I have spoken to several adoption agencies. We have quizzed every adoptive parent friend. My brain is an encyclopedia of information about the political and social climates of various countries around the world. Ethiopian adoptions are moving much slower than before...South Korea is moving faster. Ukraine is still allowing adoption applications, but the relationship with the U.S. is tenuous at best. Russian adoptions are completely halted because Putin doesn't want Americans adopting Russian children. The wait for a relatively healthy child from Honduras that is of an age that maintains the birth order in our home is about four years. Only children ages ten and up are available for adoption from Colombia. Oklahoma DHS is an option, but there are an entirely different set of challenges should we choose that route. Currently, Haiti appears to be a good "fit" for our family, but EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE WITH A MOMENT'S NOTICE. At our current ages, income level, and number of years married, we qualify for every single program. Overwhelming? Yes. For those who know us, I know what you are thinking...

3. What about our beloved Guatemala?  Without hesitation, we would adopt from Guatemala if that were an option. 

Matt made his first mission trip to Guatemala shortly after the 36 year Civil War ended there in 1996. He lived and worked in Guatemala with HELPS International in 1999 as a field manager for medical and construction mission teams. He even received a certificate from President Arzu thanking him for his service to the country. We made our first trip there as a couple four months after we were married in 2000. We shared the "land of eternal spring" with our children for the first time in 2012. We love the country, the people, the culture, BUT...

Unfortunately, in January of 2008 the "Ortega Law" went into effect. Guatemala passed the law at the insistence of the U.S. State Department to comply with the United Nations' Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. After the passage of the law, all intercountry adoptions were shut down, including those that were already in progress. This was done as a result of unethical adoption practices such as the alleged kidnapping and selling of babies (and even the murder of their mothers). Without a doubt, this HAD to be stopped. Six years and a lot of shady government "work" later, the country is still closed to intercountry adoption.  I recently read an article in the Wall Street Journal that chronicles the orphan epidemic that is now occurring there. As I told Matt, it makes me sick to my stomach to read about the children piling up in the orphanages.

Though we can not currently adopt from Guatemala, we will continue to support those organizations with "feet on the ground" there. We continue to write to and support our Compassion children and their families.  My favorite source of jewelry and accessories these days is Noonday Collection. Noonday pays artisans around the world (including Guatemala, where my favorite bag was crafted) a living wage, allowing them to support their families. In San Felipe, Guatemala, The God's Child Project and Casa Jackson provide incentives for parents to send their children to school. They also provide parent education. They teach parents how to nourish their babies and use their land to provide for their families. We experienced the joy of serving at both The God's Child Project and Casa Jackson on our most recent trip to Guatemala. We strongly believe that a huge part of orphan care is the practice of orphan prevention. These organizations are in the business of enabling families to care for themselves and their children.

Caring for the malnourished babies and children at Casa Jackson

4. Don't you have to choose a country? Not yet.

After speaking with many adoption agencies, we chose Dillon International.  They are based out of Tulsa, which is quite appealing to us.  They also provide a valuable support system when Baby Bowler comes home.  They regularly hold heritage events during which children adopted from the same country come together to celebrate their heritage.  They also provide support groups for the adopted child as they grow older. The MOST attractive aspect of Dillon is that they recently started a program entitled "Open Options." This program allows families to go through the initial application and home study without choosing a country.  The goal of Open Options is to help more children find families who are farther along in the adoption process. We were approved for all of the programs served by Dillon (China, Colombia, Haiti, Hong Kong, India, Korea, and Okahoma DHS). Not being committed to a country allows us to be open to whatever (and whomever) God might have waiting for us.

5. Boy? Girl? Age? The answer is yes.

Clear as mud, right? We are open to a boy or a girl and yes (gasp!)...even siblings. We would like to bring our Baby Bowler home as young as possible, but these days in the world of international adoptions, the "babies" brought home are usually toddlers or older. We have requested a kiddo between the ages of zero and five. In the end, we are trusting that God will show us which little sweetie belongs in our family. Should Oklahoma DHS bring us our little one, he or she might be younger.


5. Now what? We begin the home study process.

We have filled out the initial paperwork, including the "Checklist of Special Care Conditions," a list of 145 conditions, syndromes, potential family history issues, etc. It includes everything from birthmarks and asthma to missing limbs and cancer. You are instructed to check YES, NO, or MAYBE regarding whether or not you would be willing to adopt a child with each condition. It is a horrible little checklist because it feels that with every "NO" box we check, we are rejecting a child. How can I say no to hip dysplasia when our Anna was born with this condition? What about heart defects? An echogenic intracardiac focus was detected on Anna when I was 20 weeks pregnant. An EIF is a calcium deposit often associated with various chromosomal disorders, including Down syndrome. It was quite visible on the ultrasound, and scary until it miraculously resolved itself four weeks, a lot of prayer, and a handful or perinatologist visits later. When I voiced my concern about the checklist, I was cautioned by agencies to not be too hard on ourselves. They told me, "Remember, your NO will be someone else's YES." My friend Emily wrote a beautiful piece about this checklist on her blog. Check it out here.

Baby Anna in her harness to correct hip dysplasia

Who could say "no" to this cuteness?

The home study will be a lengthy process. LOTS of paperwork, home visits, etc. Every aspect of our lives will be examined under a microscope. We have prepared our kiddos for a long ride. We know that there will be tears shed along the way...and frustrations...and setbacks...and a whole lot of waiting. However, we know that God would not put adoption in our hearts if He didn't intend to walk with us every step of the way. After all, He is the creator of adoption. It is He who first adopted us into His family as His children through Jesus Christ, giving us the full rights and privileges of a son or daughter.

Please join us in prayer as we work to bring the newest member of the Bowler family home!

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!"

1 John 3:1 

"The Biggest Loser," Raising Girls Who Love Their Bodies, and RemovingThe Plank From My Own Eye

I gasped. Like much of the rest of the world. As Rachel gracefully made her way out onto the stage in her Biggest Loser weigh-in clothes, I did it. I judged. She looked so thin. She hadn't looked this thin the last time we saw her!?!? Is she okay? Did she go too far?

She stepped on the scale. The scale read 105 pounds. The results were in. She was THE biggest loser. My daughter was already asleep that night, but I had DVRed the show for her.  Anna and I are couch-side cheerleaders, celebrating the contestants' journey to better health. She was anxious to see the results, but on a school night...she would have to wait until tomorrow.

As I sat on that couch, I contemplated.  What was I going to tell my daughter? I knew there would be talk of Rachel's extremely thin appearance. I suddenly found myself looking up Rachel's height.  Was she really that thin? Television can play tricks on your eyes. I discovered that Rachel is five feet five inches tall. Whoa. That's only an inch taller than me...not as tall as she appeared on television.

Suddenly I felt that enormous plank in my eye. You know the one? The one in Matthew 7:3-5 that reads,

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Um, yeah. So there was this one time before I was married and had kids when I was able to work out a lot and I ate really, really, really healthy. Yeah....ummmmm...I flirted with that 100 pound mark then.

I did the calculations. Sure enough, I was technically "underweight" according to my BMI (Body Mass Index). Much has been made of the fact that Rachel falls below that magical healthy weight line as figured by calculating her BMI.  What hasn't been widely reported is that she is only six pounds from being at a "healthy" weight according to BMI standards. Six pounds. Many of us can gain six pounds in the week between Christmas and New Year's Day.

So why has so much been made of Rachel? Are we jealous? Have we lost touch with the reality of what a healthy weight looks like? I think there are several factors at play.  Nothing is ever as simple as it first appears. First, she is only twenty-four years old. Second, she is an athlete. A former competitive swimmer. And "The Biggest Loser"? It's still a competition. A competition where the winner goes home with $250,000 and priceless insight into how to live a healthy lifestyle.  Insight into what personally triggers him or her to seek food instead of support. I've read that "The Biggest Loser" producers are making some changes since witnessing Rachel's dramatic transformation after leaving the ranch. I'm fairly certain that Rachel's competitive side, the one she had put on the back burner, came roaring to life when she realized "I CAN DO THIS!" For the contestants, weight loss is their full time job. They are exercising hours and hours a day. Much more than they will work out to eventually maintain their weight loss. As any athlete knows, those days and weeks leading up to a competition are important. I run marathons and half marathons.  It is a FACT that I watch what I put into my body and am more dedicated to my workouts in the weeks leading up to a race. In the final days before a race, I pay close attention to whether the calories I put into my body are life-sustaining or empty. Think of a five pound weight. Do you want to carry that with you for 13.1 or 26.2 miles? I think not. I am not the fastest runner. I won't be the first to cross the finish line. I am watching my diet not because I want to lose weight, but because I WANT TO RUN MY BEST RACE. My guess is that Rachel was simply running her best race, and now that the race is over, she can settle into a weight that is healthy and maintainable for her.

Now for the big question. What does this mean for our girls? How do we raise girls who love their perfectly imperfect bodies? How do I explain the hoopla surrounding Rachel to my ten year-old daughter?

First of all, we have to look at ourselves. As parents, we are our children's first role models and heroes. Are we constantly complaining about our weight?  Are we never "small enough" or the "right" weight? Or are we celebrating the beauty of a body that has birthed one, two, three, or more children? Do we make a point to model healthy eating and exercise habits? Men, do you make your wife feel beautiful inside and out through your words and affection? Or do you berate your wife or criticize her body? Your daughters are watching. Here are a few tips to get you headed in the right direction.

1. SPEAK ONLY POSITIVELY ABOUT YOUR OWN BODY
This one can be the toughest. When my daughter was born, I made a promise to myself that I would never complain about my body or my weight in front of her. This has resulted in me rarely complaining about my body or weight...ever. It has been a win-win situation for everyone. Those negative thoughts creep in on a rare occasion, but it has generally been one of the best decisions I ever made. Initially, I was doing it for her, but it turns out that it was just as much for me.

When we are constantly trying to lose weight or going on the latest fad diet, we send a confusing message to our girls. If they see that we are never happy with the way we are right now, it sends the message that we (and they) will never be good enough. This can be difficult, especially if you grew up in a house where Mom or Dad was always trying to lose weight. My mother taught nutrition and family health classes at a local university for years. She also worked as a leader for Weight Watchers (which, if you are looking for support in your quest for a healthy weight and lifestyle, is one of the best programs out there). I was raised surrounded by a wealth of valuable information regarding nutrition and health. However, the problem with focusing on only losing weight is that it places the emphasis on a number, not a lifestyle. I don't want my daughter to believe that her worth is based on a number. Psalm 139:14 reads,

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well."

Great news! All of us are made in the image of Christ. He is not in the business of making junk. He makes beautiful things. His works are wonderful. Several years ago I participated in the Vicki Courtney Bible study entitled "Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter." I highly recommend it, and am actually rereading the book now that my daughter is a little older. One of the most interesting facts I learned through the discussion involved a study of girls' journals.  It turns out, before mirrors became de rigeur, girls wrote about internal beauty and desired to be known for their character. With the advent of mirrors, suddenly their writing turned to external appearances. Hmmmm... reminds me of what the Lord says to Samuel in the latter half of 1 Samuel 16:7,

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 

After learning about the "mirror effect," I wrote Psalm 139:14 on a crown and glued it to my daughter's full length mirror.  A visual reminder of how Christ sees her. Although she is no longer interested in princesses, the mirror and its message remain.

 

2.GET MOVING
Go for a walk. Go for a hike. Go for a run. Go to the gym. Just go. Active parents beget active children. Be active together, but also let her see you make time for your own fitness activities. Let her see you make goals and then work to attain them. Allow your daughter to try out different sports. Encourage her to follow her passions. Let her see that God has blessed her with a strong body. Use it. My daughter is a dancer. She also happens to take after her daddy and be a fast little runner. She tried out soccer, but she just didn't love it. So we quit. On the other hand, she begs to take more dance classes. Help her find her God-given gifts. Use those six little words that have been in the news so much since Bruce E. Brown and Rob Miller of Proactive Coaching LLC revealed the results of three decades worth of research.  When those college athletes were asked what they most loved to hear from their parents after a game, it was unequivocally, "I love to watch you play." Or dance. Or run. Or whatever lights your daughter's heart on fire.

3. SPEAK ONLY POSITIVELY ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S BODIES
Maybe he's a little overweight. Maybe she's a little skinny. Poor Rachel. She was "too big"...and now she's "too skinny." We sure can be a judgmental bunch, we couch potato kings and queens of the remote. In our house, we don't make fun of people. Period. I sometimes go back to the old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Not everything needs to be said out loud, and everyone has a story and past hurts. I try to remember this when I find my thoughts careening off a dead-end road. If it is not uplifting, it doesn't need to be said, even if that person is on a television screen. How would it feel to be judged as harshly as we sometimes judge others? And what kind of example does this set for our children? If they see their parents constantly judging others, they will not only follow that example, but will expect to be judged themselves.

One sentence said by my father many years ago still echoes in my mind. I was in junior high, and had just finished cheering at a basketball game.  I was starving when we arrived home. I remember walking into the family room and talking to him as I ate.  He looked up from his navy blue leather chair with a somewhat disgusted look on his face and said, "If you keep eating like that, you're going to get fat." It was a verbal slap in the face. I kept thinking, "But I'm so hungry?!?!" I definitely paid more attention to my eating after that, at times bordering on the disordered (although I'm not sure you can "border" on an eating disorder).  I love my dad dearly, and years later asked him if he remembered saying those words. He didn't. In fact, he completely denied it. I can tell you, however, that a thirteen or fourteen year-old girl doesn't forget. Your words can either raise up or tear down. The first man to love our daughters is their daddy. Fathers, if you are blessed with the love of a little girl, guard that precious heart. Celebrate her inner beauty even more than her outward appearance.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." ~ Proverbs 31:30 

4. POINT OUT THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE
I'm not talking about the people who are beautiful on the outside, but about those who possess a beautiful character worthy of celebration. They are everywhere. When you start looking, you will find them. The kind soul who holds open the door when your arms are weary from carting groceries and kids.  The one who gives up her Saturdays to volunteer at the homeless shelter. The one who walks your crying baby up and down the halls of church so that you can actually sit through one. entire. service. The one who speaks life and truth into your daughter...she is beautiful.

So what did I tell my daughter the next morning?  I kept it very simple.  My daughter is naturally very thin.  She takes after her daddy with her long, lean muscles. I would never want my daughter to think that being thin is a "bad" thing. My husband, while training for a half Ironman triathlon, was told on multiple occasions to "eat a cheeseburger" in jest. He had a rigorous training schedule and was pure muscle. What most of those people didn't know was that he ate constantly to keep his body fueled. They also didn't know that only a few years before, he had been overweight and told that if he couldn't get his blood pressure down through diet and exercise, he would have to go on medication. All of this was running through my head as I gazed into her innocently questioning eyes.

I told her that Rachel had won, and that she appeared very thin. I told her that some people were saying that she was too thin, but that we know that God makes people in all shapes and sizes. If Rachel was eating healthy and exercising, this might be right where God wanted her. And on that note, she danced away, happy for Rachel.

Please feel free to share this post with anyone you might know who needs a reminder of just how truly beautiful God made her.

I'm attaching one of my favorite songs regarding girls and beauty.  It is called "A More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz. More than anything, I want our girls to see that as daughters of Christ, there could never be "A More Beautiful You."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0

The Beauty of Repetition

There we sat, my little buddy and I snuggled up in our little cabin by the lake, anxiously awaiting the dawning of a new year. We started this tradition last year, a sort of anti-New Year’s celebration.  Not that we were against the New Year, but rather that we started celebrating it in a much different way. The children voted to spend New Year’s Eve 2012 at our recently purchased lake house with only our little family. We welcomed 2013 with the lake lapping at the shore. Their Daddy set off a few fireworks in the brisk winter sky. It was… peaceful…joyful. So we did it again this year. We loaded up kids and dogs and party horns and hats and headed to the icy wonderland of the lake.
 



Our Icy Wonderland

My little guy and I were snuggled up, waiting for the ball to drop, when the local news interrupted our festivities. It was kind of a downer, really. I mean, who wants to hear about the year’s high homicide rate when there is a crystal-encrusted sphere ready to drop from the sky? I thought about turning it off for a bit, but Grant wanted to listen to an upcoming story.  I can count on one hand the number of times our kids have watched the local news, precisely because of the aforementioned propensity of our local news to cover such happy topics as homicides and abuse. Fun stuff. Or not. Great conversation starters, too. The story that caught Grant’s attention, however, was one about the “bridge people” of Tulsa.  The bridge people are those men and women who “live” under the bridges.

He was glued to the television. God had a plan when he placed us at the cabin on a cold New Year’s Eve watching the late night news. The news reporter interviewed a woman living under the bridges, a grandma. The grandma spoke about how cold it gets at night. About her former life and how mental illness always seemed to lead her back to the streets.  The news station announced that they were going to be collecting blankets that would be distributed to those who needed them. Grant was quiet after the story concluded.  In his old age (seven) he has become my quiet thinker. He announced that he was tired and just wanted to go to bed.  We witnessed the ringing in of 2014 in Sydney and Paris, and that was good enough for him.

Blankie

As I lay next to him in his little twin bed, he began to talk. “Mom, I bet it’s hard for those people when it gets so cold at night." His voice became serious as he scratched and rubbed the silky side (or what's left of it) of Blankie, his constant bedtime companion since he was a baby.  "I mean, when you live outside, a blanket is EVERYTHING.” He gazed at me with brown eyes big as saucers and blinked his long lashes as he emphasized, “EVERYTHING! We have lots of blankets at home.  We should give some to those people when we get home.” He went on, “I bet we could give them some other stuff, too.”

“That’s a great idea, buddy, “I responded. “Like what?”

“Well, I bet they could use a backpack for their stuff. Maybe some food.”

I was speechless.  It was my turn to look at him with eyes big as saucers. He didn’t want to give them his old Skylanders that he never plays with anymore or some bubblegum he didn’t like.  He wanted to give them something that they could actually use. He wasn’t thinking about himself, but about what he could do for others. He was seven, and he was finally starting to GET IT!

It was a thankyoujesusgloryhallelujah moment for this mama.  You see, you have to know my kids to understand why this was such a celebration-worthy occasion. Our daughter, Anna, was born an old soul… a giver from the start. She has plans to adopt twelve children, eight dogs, and half a dozen other living creatures. She heard about a family who lost their Christmas presents in a fire and immediately asked me if we could help. She had her friends bring gifts to her tenth birthday party that could be donated to a dog shelter. On a family trip to Guatemala, my then-eight-year-old begged me to keep taking pictures "so that I can show my friends how blessed we are.”

Then there is Grant. My snuggly, dimpled baby boy. He developed a textbook case of colic at around four weeks old.  I used to say that's why God gave him those adorable dimples. The colic lasted until…eh…let’s just say a really long time.  That entire first year is a blur. Grant is fiery and loving at the same time. He is intense. Passionate. In his early years, it seemed that the saying “Hell hath no fury like Grant scorned” might be appropriate. Generous was not a word I would have used to describe Grant. It was brutal. And exhausting. I blamed my husband, because everyone said our boy was ornery just like his daddy was “back in the day.” The honest truth? He’s also a lot like me. Do you remember that part in "Father of the Bride" where Steve Martin (George) is talking to his future son-in-law (Bryan), played by George Newbern, about the long line of passionate people? That's us.

 

George: You know, Bryan, Annie's a very passionate person. And passionate people tend to overreact at times. Annie comes from a long line of major overreactors. Me. I can definitely lose it. My mother. A nut. My grandfather. Stories about him were legendary. The good news, however, is that this overreacting... tends to get proportionately less by generation. So, your kids could be normal.

George: [voice-over] As if that wasn't enough, I went on.

George: But on the upside, with this passion... comes great spirit and individuality... which is probably one of the reasons you love Annie.

Bryan: That's what I love most about her.

 

Matt would often ask me, “What are we going to do with him? Should we do something different?” I was the one with the degree in early childhood education and a master’s degree in curriculum and instruction. I took countless hours of human learning. I knew more than most humans would ever need to know about how the brain of a child “works,” yet somehow it wasn’t working. Until it did.

The only tidbit of knowledge I could share with my husband about raising a strong-willed child that wasn’t already in our arsenal was REPETITION. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Be consistent. Logical consequences again and again and again. My professors had drilled it into my head, but in the daily grind I was starting to doubt the wisdom of their advice. Our boy is hard-headed. Driven. Determined. Positive characteristics when steered in the right direction. He might have been frustrating and defiant, but guess what? He was listening. 

He is now seven, and has become more adept at handling anger when it does arise (which is MUCH less often). He is kind and caring, and impresses us daily in the ways he is growing and maturing. We still have days when I want to scream and stomp and pull my hair out (I only follow through with those actions about half of the time. I, too, am a work in progress.), but I am genuinely proud of the way our young man is growing in his ability to channel his emotions. We don't just want him to experience everything we want for him. More than anything, we want everything that God wants for and from him. .

Mission Accomplished!

In those early years and today, when we prayed with him at night, I thanked Jesus for the precious gift of my son.  Together, we thanked God for our nice, warm house, and food on our table.  We asked God to be with those who did not have food or a bed.  We prayed for God to show us ways we could help. We prayed for Rudy and Estephany, the children we sponsor through Compassion International. Per Grant's request, we prayed for all of the endangered animals. We prayed for those we knew were hurting, and counted our blessings. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. It occurred to me today that we have prayed those prayers with our children THOUSANDS of times now in their short lives. Ten years of praying with Anna. Seven years of praying with Grant. Ironically, while we were using repetition to shape his behavior, we were unknowingly using it to shape his conscience. Repetition. It’s a beautiful thing.

We have also cried out to God in desperation in our private parenting prayers. He listened. He is always listening. He answers, though it is on His timetable, not ours. He never falls asleep on the job, and He is working for us 24/7. For any parents who are struggling today, please take comfort in knowing that your babies are also listening. You are not alone. Take joy in the small victories along the way. My children are seven and ten. Many of our greatest parenting challenges are yet to come. Today, however, I’m taking joy in this small triumph. This gift. Time to gather up some blankets…

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:19

The Forgotten Heroes

The lights dimmed as we sunk into the cushiony chairs. Only minutes before I had been perfectly positioned in my prime viewing location. That was before the lady asked me to move over one seat...and then three more.

 "Sure. No problem," I responded. I hoped she couldn't see that I was actually a little perturbed, even though the rational me knew that it was the right thing to do. My unobstructed view was gone, but "whatever"... I was resting my tired feet after three days of walking around New Orleans.

As the lights dimmed, she leaned over to me and whispered, "Thanks. I'm with Wounded Warriors, and I'm not sure this crew is gonna make it to the end. Have you heard about the movie?"

"Only that everyone says it's amazing."

"Okay. Then I won't ruin it for you."

I gulp. What have I gotten myself into?? We're about to sit through "Beyond Boundaries" in 4D at the National World War II Museum. That fourth dimension is what makes it so powerful and startlingly realistic. With Tom Hanks and a slew of other familiar voices narrating, we are given a play-by-play of my grandparents' war. When the tanks thunder across the screen, our chairs vibrate.  At Christmastime, snow gently flutters down on us from the rafters of the theater. We are inside the jungles of Japan, and the factories of America. It is phenomenal. And heartbreaking. We see the Western Union telegrams delivering the news that no wife or mother ever wants to hear. Tears rolling down our face, the woman turns to me, "It's beginning," she sadly states, and nods toward the young girl sitting next to her.

Yes, I said young girl. She appears to be in her 20s, African American, with a perfectly styled pixie-cut and large dangly earrings that swing back and forth as she crumples under the weight of it all. Her jacket is drawn up to her face. Whether she is hiding from the images or trying to hide her emotions, I'll never really know. Probably a little of each. Her escort asks if she wants to leave, and up and away they go.

The movie continues, and I know that "the bombs" are going to be dropped soon. The woman to my left whispers conspiratorially, "Look at him. He can't stop moving." Sure enough the young man several seats to my left is in constant motion. He's drumming his fingers on his knees as if to will his legs to stay put. Then his feet join in the rhythm. He taps his heels on the floor, alternating...LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT. He looks like any other twenty-something. An attractive white guy in a ballcap, he resembles the boy-next-door. My newfound movie buddy excuses herself, goes to him, and wraps an arm around his shoulder.  Finally, it is too much. As a former pilot describes the scent of burning flesh after dropping a bomb, he is gone.

I expected to see veterans at the World War II Museum, but not these kind. Fresh off the battlefield, scarred with so many unseen wounds. My heart ached for their lost innocence . On the screen, I watched the tickertape parades as the troops came home. Where were these soldiers' tickertape parades? Visiting the museum, I was awed by the ways in which our entire country came together to triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds. The work ethic and dedication of the men, women, and children of that era rightfully earned them the title "Greatest Generation." However, I believe that there are some pretty GREAT people in this generation, as well. So, on this Veteran's Day, I vow to remember and thank not only those who bravely served our country 70 years ago, but also those who are risking their lives TODAY on the battlefields of the world, to protect our freedoms and continue the fight for "justice for all." Their sacrifice and loss is no less than that of the Greatest Generation. Today, these Forgotten Heroes shall be remembered by at least one more wife and mother who is eternally grateful for their service.

Ten Things... For my daughter on her tenth birthday

My sweet Anna Grace,

Today you are TEN years old!  A decade. 3,653 days (including leap years). 87,672 hours. Approximately 5,260,320 minutes on this Earth. In keeping with the theme of TEN, I thought I would share with you ten things that I pray you come to know and remember in the coming years.

1. Anna Grace. Anna means "full of grace." Your name is redundant (both of your names mean the same thing). You will mess up. So will everyone else. May your doubly graced name remind you to both accept and give grace in abundance. 
2. Purpose. Many people spend their lives searching for their "purpose." I say you already have a purpose: Love God. Love People. It is as easy and difficult as that. This will look different at different times in your life, but the purpose remains the same.
3. Travel the world. This will show you both how small you are and how big is the God we serve. You will begin to fathom the awesomeness of a God who knew you (one of seven BILLION people on this Earth) even before you were in my belly. "Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work." Jeremiah 1:5
4. Show compassion. When you were two years old and we were living in Texas, your preschool teachers told me, "If anyone in the class is hurt or sad, Gracie (as you were known then) runs across the playground to comfort them." The world is a much larger, less kind playground. Remember when you see someone hurting, it is still okay to run to them across the playground...or lunch room... or gym... or classroom... or country and love on them.
5. Friends. Choose your friends wisely.  In the coming years, you will see paths diverging as your peers choose different routes. In regards to your closest confidantes, choose the friends who choose to follow Jesus through their words and actions.  A true friend will build you up and encourage you in your walk with Christ. I pray you will do the same. "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." (Proverbs 13:20) Others will ridicule you for your faith and your decisions. 
6. Love them anyway.
7. Laugh. Give yourself permission to have fun and laugh.  Life is serious enough.  When laughter presents itself, embrace it. There will be plenty of occasions when you are not sure whether to laugh or cry. Laugh.
8. Challenges. You will encounter obstacles. You are a very bright young lady. School has been relatively easy for you. Your homework is getting more difficult. It will continue to do so. Allow yourself permission to learn, and then celebrate those accomplishments.  If you already knew it all, you wouldn't need to go to school. Try to remain calm, take a deep breath, and remember that it is okay to ask for help. It's also okay to not always get it right. This will help you in life, as well. Nobody knows it all.  That's why God gave us each other.
9. Boys.  I have a lot to say about boys, but will save much of it for a later letter. First, keep an eye on the boys who love Jesus, who love people, who are kind and helpful to everyone.  Keep an eye on the other boys, as well.  I'll elaborate on them at a later date.
10. Call your mom and dad.  You don't have a cell phone yet, but I know the day is coming.  Texts are fun and easy, but moms and dads need to hear your voice. Though you are looking more and more like a woman each day, to us you are still the little girl in pigtails with a tiny backpack ready for her first day of preschool.  Humor us. :)

Anna, your daddy and I are so proud of the young lady you are becoming. Your freckle-faced, braces-adorned smile makes my day. You continue to surprise me with your mature insight into friendships and life. You are the biggest animal lover I know. It is a joy and privilege to parent you (yes, even when you declare that I am "ruining" your life- I know you don't mean it and I figure it means I'm doing something right). Growing up is hard.  Emotions get a little crazy as you assert your independence and I learn to let go. That's okay. We're gonna love each other through it. Thanks for being my Gracie Girl.  I'm so glad God trusted me enough to give me the best job ever, Anna Grace's mom.

Love,

Mommy 

One Word... Hope

"Hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man."

-- Victor Hugo

When asked by Compassion International to write three things about one word this week, it took me all of one half second to decide. HOPE. If you read last week's blog, you know that I used the verse Jeremiah 29:11 to emphasize that God has a plan... for us and for these children.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Hope frees. The opposite of hope is hopelessness. Despair. Disbelief. Discouragement. When hope fades, the clutches of death (both spiritual and physical) grow stronger. By sponsoring a child through Compassion, you begin the process of freeing that child from the shackles of despair and extreme poverty. You free that child from the bondage of illiteracy and the heavy weight of responsibility and worry that so often haunts these children.

Hope gives. When the shackles are broken, hope gives wings to dreams. It encourages ambition, and fans the flames of aspirations. It breeds confidence and the powerful realization that things can be different. Hope gives these children the opportunity to write a different story. Not only does sponsorship change the lives of children, it also changes the lives of their families. Most every parent wants the best for their children. In a letter from Juan Guerrero, a coordinator for the student center where Rudy (one of our sponsored children) attends, he writes, "I can see the joy on the faces of mothers when they realize that their children will have the opportunity to learn, to have medical check-ups, and to play in a safe environment, and much more." Hope gives joy to parents, often when they need it the most.

Hope saves. Jesus is the hope of the world. Children in Compassion projects receive attention to physical, cognitive, socio-emotional, and spiritual development. They are taught about the hope we have in Jesus Christ, and His unconditional, sacrificial love for them. As Guerrero writes, "I can tell the difference when families know that even in the most desperate situation, there is a God who loves them and wants to protect them and to provide for them.  Families who have accepted Christ in this community have a different perspective. They can see things under a positive light and know that their needs will always be met."

There is a story about a little boy walking along the beach and picking up starfish, who are struggling to survive, and throwing them back in the water. An older gentleman comes along and says, "There are so many. You'll never be able to save them all! What does it matter?"

The little boy responds, while throwing another starfish back into the water, "It mattered to that one."

Please take the time to think and pray about sponsoring a child through Compassion International. You have the power to give HOPE...one child at a time. 

Click on the link below to sponsor a child today...

http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm?referer=133388

 

To My Younger Self...

First Grade

As I sit in the corner of the classroom, surrounded by a study carrel and immersed in my own imagination... I write.  I am six years old, and Miss Turner is my hero.  While everyone else is working on I Don't Know What, she lets me slip away into a world where I am most at ease.  She encourages me to enter my first writing contest.  Thirty years ago, she recognized a need to differentiate in the classroom before anyone knew the definition of the word.  She is still my hero, and if I could go back and speak to my six year-old self I would want me to know...
1. ...that I need to hug Miss Turner more.
2....that God loves me and has a plan for my life, and that Miss Turner will unknowingly play a vital role in that.

It was sixth grade.
Please pardon the bangs,
pre-braces teeth, Miami Vice collar, etc.

Fast forward a few years, and I am still writing.  Only now, it isn't quite as "cool" to be smart. I will keep it quiet, blend into the crowd a little more. I will have the most amazing sixth grade Sunday school teacher, Mrs. Rydell, pouring into my life. I will begin memorizing scripture, and learning who Jesus is on a weekly basis. I will learn about a God who loves me, will never leave me, and never forsake me...even in my darkest hours. The summer after sixth grade, when I am twelve years old, my grandfather will commit suicide. With one tragic act, I will experience the most unimaginable depths of loss and grief of my young life. Much later, I will write about this experience in a college classroom. If I could, I would tell that uneasy sixth-grader, "God has a plan." Those scriptures I first learned almost 25 years ago are still the easiest to recall in times of both trouble and joy.

Such great memories with this ragtag bunch!

At the age of fourteen I began battling an unknown illness that would plague me for a year.  We would travel to doctors around the nation seeking answers, and I would miss most of my freshman year of high school.  As my condition improved, I emerged much like the caterpillar who enters the cocoon as one creature, but emerges as quite another.  I had wings. I was confident. I learned who my true friends were, the ones who stood by me even when I wasn't very fun to be around. I gained a valuable life lesson on the beauty and fragility of life at an age when most girls were still seeing how high they could tease their bangs. I met a boy who would take me on our first "date" to his church youth group. There, I would hear for the first time that Jesus wanted a personal relationship with me and I would really, truly ask Jesus to come into my heart. If I could go back and speak to that teenager, I would tell myself again, "God has a plan."

In college, I would begin writing again.  I would use written assignments to satisfy my need for creative expression.  I would meet an art professor who recognized a gift that he had no reason to acknowledge. No, I had not excelled in the art studio.  Quite the contrary, unfortunately. I was a hard worker, however, and somehow still earned my "A". One of our final assignments was to write about an aesthetic experience. Hallelujah! I wrote about an experience in Italy the summer before while visiting the castle where the Mona Lisa was supposedly painted.  He stopped me after class to speak to me about my writing. He wrote on my assignment, "You have an amazing gift.  I hope you continue to use it."  All of these years later, I still have that paper. For the longest time, I wasn't exactly certain why I kept it tucked away. Once again, I would tell my college self, "God has a plan."

During my senior year of college, I would learn that the boy who had asked me to his church youth group back in high school... the boy with whom I had experienced a break-up of EPIC proportions... was living in Guatemala and managing medical missions and relief teams.  God would gently nudge me to send him an e-mail... and the rest, as they say, is history.  During our first year of marriage we would visit the internet café in Antigua, Guatemala, where he first received "the" e-mail.  I would tell that college senior, "God has a plan."

He did. And He does.  He led my husband and I to a country thousands of miles away from our own.  A beautiful country filled with lush, fertile soils and mountain peaks shrouded in fog. A country with the tallest corn I have ever seen, and the biggest, strangest insects.  A country whose people dress in every color of the rainbow... all at once. A Mayan culture whose gentle, sweet spirits match their colorful attire. Then, God decided to mess us up.  He showed us "the least of these." Poverty and violence.  Children whose parents were killed in the civil war, and others who were abandoned. Sadness and hopelessness in the midst of some of God's greatest handiwork. Suddenly, we could not ignore the call of Jesus to care for "the least of these."  Through Compassion International, we have sponsored two children from Guatemala (one boy, age 7, and one girl, age 9) for the past two years. When I write to these children, I am often led to Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Delivering vitamins and a Bible story to the beautiful people of
Xepatul, Guatemala,
on my first trip there in 2000

I want them to know that God loves them and that God has a plan. His love is deeper than the deepest oceans and is theirs for the taking. I want them to know that the same God who numbered the stars calls them, His children, by name. I pray that they have a Miss Turner, Mrs. Rydell, Mr. Art Teacher Whose Name I Forgot (gasp!) encouraging their gifts and talents and acting as the hands of Christ in their lives. They deserve it. I want them to know that they are our Creator's masterpieces, exquisitely crafted and worthy of His best. Through Compassion, they have these opportunities. I treasure the letters and photos we receive from them.  My spirits are buoyed by the way I see them growing in their relationships with Christ. The updates we receive from their pastors and the directors of their schools reiterate the fact that Compassion changes lives.

Oh, and guess what?  I'm finally writing again.  This time, as a Compassion Blogger working to find sponsors for as many children as possible.  What you are reading right now is one of those blogs.

 

God has a plan.

 

He is still at work, and He isn't finished with me yet.

He isn't finished with you yet.

And He is just beginning His work in these children.

YOU can be a part of the hope and future of these children! Please share this post and click on the icon or link to become a Compassion International sponsor today!

http://www.compassion.com/sponsor_a_child/default.htm?referer=133388